I did it. I started a “I hate running” FBook page. We’ve got 15 members as of today. I giggle every time someone else “likes” it. Let me tell you why I hate it (and, if pressed, why I love to hate it):
1. I can’t find my pace. In the first 100 steps, I reach a point of oxygen deprivation that makes me look down at my watch and see that my pace is, gloriously, twice that of my norm. It takes another 100 steps or so to convince myself that it’s worth slowing down so that I can make it to the end of the drive.
2. Cars that pass too close. There is no shoulder on the road where I run, so I try to hold my lane as long as I can. (This would fall under the “love” category of running. Who doesn’t like to feel this brassy?)
When the cars take the time to slow up and go into the far lane, I offer a wave, Thanks for not killing me! When they don’t move over and instead pass within a breadbox’s width of taking me out, I throw my hands up in exasperation at their rearview mirror (which, incidentally, just parted my hair). If I’m alone, I do this after they’ve rounded a corner.
3. Gangsters out for a stroll. The last 2 times I’ve been out, I’ve been greeted by scary men. Granted, they are probably the nicest guys ever. But the first nicest guy ever was parked in the woods, in a white undershirt, in an old white car. And this is the kicker: He didn’t wave at me. He didn’t do anything. This is the first move of killers everywhere.
Then today’s gangster was walking toward me on the road. I thought, I should start running now (I was hot off the first 100 step blowout) and I met up with him at thrice my usual pace. I saw he was walking with a radio headset thingy on (camo! first clue), but here’s what set my radar off with a clang: He was in blue jeans. This screams no purpose at all, out for a joy walk, enjoying a pretty fall day, who knows what he might do next? You can see why I was scared.
4. Keeping up the facade. If you take a single day off running, or a week in my case, it’s sure that the world (minimally, your friends) will drive by and notice your pace when you decide to re-enter the addiction of the sport. The ones who don’t run will think And she calls that running? and the ones who do run will think She took yesterday off.